the unknown

My husband is finally overseas and it is clear to me already what the worst part of deployment is: the unknown. There are a lot of things I don't know, both small and large. On a day to day basis the most forefront unknown is "when will I get to 'talk' to him?" Since most contact right now is via Facebook, I don't like leaving my computer. I get antsy when I need to take a shower or, heaven forbid, go to the store. I just don't want to miss a chance to chat with him, or if his internet connection is good enough, video chat. Other day to day things are unknown like "what is he up to today?" or "has he had enough to eat and drink?" Of course the Army is feeding him, but a wife just likes to know that her husband is comfortable. Go a bit deeper and you will find the question "is he safe from harm?" There are a plenty of questions that go unanswered, including more long term ones like "when will he be home?" And the one know one wants to ask, but echoes in the quietest of moments: "he is coming home, right?"

This is where trust and faith comes in. First it starts with faith in my husband, that he will take care of himself and make good decisions. Trust also extends to the Army itself, that his training is sufficient, that his leaders are well equipped, and that his fellow soldiers have each others' back. Most importantly, I have to have faith that my husband is in the will of God, and to fully believe that there is no safer place to be. War zone or not, he is safe there because that's right where the Lord wants him. I find great comfort believing in a God that is far bigger than anything in this world. And whether or not he comes home, I know he's in His hands. Last night I prayed, "God, I know John is yours and that I'm just borrowing him from you, but will you please let me keep him for a long time?" And I trust that He will.