an honor and privilege

It wasn't long before I noticed them sitting there. Little white envelopes near the time clock. "The Such and Such Family" written on each one. When I had first started my internship, I didn't understand what they were, until I recognized a last name. "Did So and So pass?" I asked. Of course, I would learn that I wouldn't have to ask that question the next time I recognized a name on a card.

Slowly, the more I started working there, each and every name was familiar, as were their stories. I work in a Long Term Acute Care facility which means we often have very sick patients whose stays can be quite long. We come to know our patients and their families well. Many get better and it's exciting to watch them grow stronger each day. It's a triumph when they come off the ventilator. It's heartwarming to hear their voices for the first time. It's a proud moment to watch them get out of bed and take their first steps. But not all of them get better. Sometimes it's a painfully slow process as they deteriorate and the family struggles to make a decision regarding continuing their care. Sometimes it's peaceful and quick, with lots of loving family at the bedside. And each one that passes gets a sympathy card sent to the family.

At first, I didn't know what to write on the card. "I'm sorry for your loss" seemed insufficient, though it was genuine. Then we lost a patient whom I had grown quite fond of, I wanted to say something more personal. As a nurse, how did I feel about caring for this patient? Then it came to me; it was an honor and privilege. And so that's what I began to write on each card; "It was an honor and a privilege to care for your loved one.  Peace be with you during this time. -Carsen, RN" In essence, it is a cliche because it's what I always write. But it's the most genuine thing I can think of.

Medical professionals have some of the most crass humor of anyone I know. Curse like a sailor? Try curse like a nurse. When we are uncensored and in the company of other medical professionals, we make morbid jokes and effortlessly "cross the line." It's a hard exterior to protect our ooey, gooey, mushy insides. Death is a normal part of life. When we watch people suffer, we also know that it is often a welcome reprieve. We come from a perspective that death isn't always the worst thing that could happen. However, losing a patient is still hard. It isn't uncommon to see a nurse cry after a code, even a seasoned nurse who has heard "time of death" a hundred times.

This job isn't an easy one. The hours are long, the pressure is big, and people are often rude. However, nurses often come into people's lives at their absolute worst. Especially in the setting where I work, we are not seeing people at their best. Being hospitalized is a very vulnerable state. We see and clean parts of the body that only a small handful of people have ever seen. We administer medications that could potentially harm or kill, and patients put their trust in us to do it correctly. Family members look to us for answers or comfort during an exhausting and confusing time. And the truth is, to be that trusted person is a huge responsibility, but it's also an honor. Nurses are often the last face someone sees when they pass. The last kind word or warm touch. The last hand to hold. So from nurses everywhere, it is an honor and privilege to care for your loved one, in sickness and in healing, in life and in death.