better days

John and I recently have had a series of cute photos posted online in which we look really happy. People have commented things like "Beautiful couple" or "You two are adorable" or"Y'all are perfect." We are really happy, but sometimes those comments make me cringe because things haven't always been so great in our marriage, and I feel as though sometimes we maintain a facade.

In our short five years of marriage, we have gone through what seems like a lifetime of difficulties: A combat deployment, an unplanned pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage, nursing school, a separation, new professional roles/careers, three moves, countless months apart for training, and many careless mistakes by both of us. During our separation, things were so bad that a marriage counselor looked us in the eye and told us our marriage was over and to move on. There have been some dark days, friends.

We are firm believers that our problems shouldn't be blasted on social media. We try to maintain some privacy, but in doing so it can lead to the misconception that we are just adorable and fun and "perfect." My desire to share some of our struggles is twofold: to give hope to marriages that are in dark days, and to give testimony to what the Lord has done in our lives. After a marriage counselor told us that our marriage was over, I went home, took off my ring, and sat in my office holding my wedding dress sobbing. But I didn't give up. I had a list of about 30 people that knew of our situation that were praying for us. When I was too exhausted to pray for myself, I looked at that list and reminded myself that it wasn't over just because an old lady said so.

We decided to seek a second opinion. A Chaplain and marriage counselor from the Fort Hood Resiliency Campus said to us, "I'm surprised you are even here. You communicate so well and show respect to one another. I think we can have this worked out in no time." He then picked up a dry erase marker and began devising a plan with us on his whiteboard. Chaplain Baumann spoke life and hope into our marriage, and I'm forever thankful for him. But it took us remaining committed to our vows and willing to do the hard work to even set foot into his office.

We have had to recommit ourselves to one another and to God's plan for our marriage several times. John is my best friend and the love of my life, but marriage hasn't always been easy for us. It's been toilsome, and requires the grace and mercy of God on a daily basis. To those who are single and may have misconceptions about what married life is like, or those who are newly married and feel shocked by what you are enduring, or to those who've been in the trenches for years, I hope that we can be a source of hope and life to you. That through our struggle and triumph, you may have renewed hope for your marriage. That we may be an example of the sacrifice and labor required to have a fulfilling relationship - not because we are so good at it, but because we've struggled to learn the hard way. That if you are currently in those dark places, may you not look at our happy photos with jealousy or some false assumption that we have it all together, but look at them as a source of hope of better days.

"Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5