It was wedding dress shopping day and a friend of my Maid of Honor said, "Remind Carsen that as much as she's preparing to be a bride, she needs to prepare to be a wife. And as much as everyone will try to convince her, it's actually not all about her." Do I see some of your eyes widening? Are some of your heads shaking? The concept that a wedding is not all about the bride goes against what our culture says. Women find it acceptable to do and say things that are normally unacceptable when it comes to their wedding day. I was constantly bombarded by the mantra that it was MY day.
Fast forward just a few months and now I'm an Army wife dealing with deployment. With so much attention and allowances made for me, it's been easy to think once again that it is all about me. I'm so, so grateful for the encouragement, support, and never-ending grace that my friends and family give me, but I've allowed that to make it embarrassingly easy for me to be all about me. In a fit of frustration and miscommunication with my husband, I stepped back for a moment and realized that all of my demanding and emotional upset were because I couldn't take my eyes off myself long enough to see my husband. I had to apologize for totally messing up the "love is not self-seeking" part. I told my husband that I felt like an awkward teenager fumbling over my words and struggling with making myself clear. I realized that I should have been listening instead of talking in the first place. And as soon as I was able to do so, I felt better.
When our vision is so short that we can't see past our own noses, we miss so much. We miss an opportunity to satisfy our spouses need. We miss the fact that what we are kicking and screaming about is right in front of us, if we'll only shut up long enough to see it. We miss a Heavenly Father looking down at us, waiting for us to finish our fit so he may speak with our full attention. We see down and in, instead of up and out. When we lose vision, we lose focus. And how unfocused I had been!
I just chatted with a friend and shared some of these recent struggles. She said, "I'm watching you be love. You're doing it." What a blessing it is to have friends that encourage you in the midst of your mess-ups. That was one of the best compliments I've ever gotten and I hope I can remember to keep being love.
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