sacrifice

On any given day, I put in 8 -12 hours into nursing school. My average so far has been 56 hours a week and I haven't even started clinicals yet. Nursing school is a huge sacrifice. My husband works just as many hours and it feels like I don't see him until Saturday. This new lifestyle means that I've cut out just about everything and everyone except the basics. As a recovering people pleaser, this has been hard. I've only been in school four weeks, but I've had say no to countless social activities and other commitments. I don't respond to text messages in a timely manner and I rarely answer my phone. I feel that people who haven't been here won't understand what it's like. I've heard from multiple people things like, "Let me know when you need a break!" or "You have to take breaks; we'll hang out then." These are true statements, but my breaks usually consist of exercising to ward off insanity, grocery shopping and meal planning to avoid starving, household chores to maintain sanitation, and spending time with my husband to nurture our marriage. (And the occasional blog writing, for my own pleasure.) Sometimes, I'll do something on Facebook, but that takes two seconds, I don't need to leave my home, nor do I need to engage in real human relationship... and it's usually done while stuffing my face with some brain fuel. It is unhealthy to completely isolate oneself, but the nature of the beast is that many things must go.

So all of this to say: If you are a dear friend of mine, I still love you. You are still important to me. I still think about you and I miss our times together. But I gotta do this for me, for my family, and for our future. And if you hang out with me you are volunteering yourself to let me practice my new skills on you.