In the United States, there is a certain attitude in our birth culture that hospital policy and physicians always know best. It seems that we've forgotten that women know how to give birth and that the laboring woman is no longer the authority of her own body. Just look at the language: "They won't allow me to eat in labor." "My doctor let me move around." "I can refuse that?" Without really knowing it, women often judge their birth experience based on whether they were allowed to follow their own intuition or not. A woman who gave birth over a decade ago told me that she wanted to be upright and moving during her labor but the hospital staff actually forced her to stay in bed. Unfortunately, this is still happening today. Many women are also not taking personal responsibility by becoming informed about their rights. (In all fairness, there are many doctors, midwives, nurses, and hospitals doing excellent work to bring autonomy back into the birth world. There are those who are advocating for individualized care instead of blanket routines. There are those who understand that no one delivers babies, but that women give birth. There is also a shift among women as they are becoming more informed and vocal about their options and rights.)
As a doula in the US who has only done hospital births, much of what I do is to help a woman achieve her goals and maintain her rights. Without a voice reminding a woman that she has every right to get up and move around as she pleases, it can be difficult to not just automatically fall into a cascade of routines. There have been situations when my only role as a doula was to comfort and support the mother because the hospital already honored her wishes, but often times my role includes reminding the family of their right to refuse unnecessary interventions. When I was in Haiti working at the birth center, I watched midwives function completely different than what I'm used to in the American hospital culture.
For the three births I was in attendance for, there was only a total of three internal vaginal exams performed. One woman didn't have any, one had one, and the other had two checks. The midwives' view was that internal exams are invasive, can introduce harmful pathogens, and that a woman's progress often can be just as accurately determined by assessing things like her behavior. There was also a sense that having a woman lay down and be in such a vulnerable, unnatural state, would slow or impede labor. We often forget this in the hospital. I had a client in the states whose obstetrician came in early in the morning. The woman had finally relaxed enough during the night to get some sleep and was still asleep when the OB came in. The OB opened her legs, and broke the woman's water before she was ever fully awake and able to consent to what was being done to her (another person's hands in her vagina with a hook that looks like a crochet needle). As people in the medical field, we often don't think much about how a patient might view these things because we are just doing our job. However, the patient's experience, privacy, autonomy, and individuality was not lost in this small Haitian women's clinic.
The first woman who gave birth while I was there was walking around the waiting room in pretty active labor. It was late in the night and no one else was there except two other patients in their own rooms. As the contractions got more intense, she ended up on the floor in the waiting area. It became difficult for her to move and I could see that birth was very close. I asked the Haitian midwife, "Should we help her move into her room and get her on the bed?" The midwife looked at me and said, "She can give birth where she wants. If this is where she's comfortable, we will bring the stuff out here." Where she wants. If she is comfortable. Clearly, giving birth in a waiting room in a hospital isn't feasible, but it's her attitude that surprised me. It was surprising to finally see what respect for the woman's choices looked like in action. The staff of the clinic quickly got the birth supplies and a stool out into the waiting room. The midwife sat on the hard tile floor. The woman was upright and in a position that felt natural to her. She wasn't forced to move for the convenience of others. Her labor wasn't impeded by invasive and unnecessary exams or interventions. Everyone around her trusted that she could do what her body was meant to do. There was skilled personnel quietly nearby to facilitate and act in the case of an emergency, but to only intervene when necessary- a model that has proven to work in many countries. It was so refreshing and honoring to be a part of culture that so respected and empowered the women that it served. Those three words have stuck with me, the epitome of the type of culture cultivated at Olive Tree Projects: where she wants.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Thursday, June 20, 2013
my wednesday-friday in Haiti
I was at the apartment getting ready to go out for Alex and Nicolette's last day in Haiti (they've been in Haiti for a month). We got a text message from Sarah saying that a woman called her saying she was bleeding and that her water broke. As we were getting ready to walk to the clinic, a tropical downpour rolled in. It was raining so hard that our tin roof was leaking. We picked up everything off the floor and put cups under the leaks. We were trying to wait for the rain to pass, but it was clear that it wasn't going to stop for some time. We made the decision to run down the two blocks to the clinic in the rain. I wrapped up my valuables in some scrubs and put them in my backpack. I put the backpack on first and then a big t-shirt over it.
We were soaking wet and muddy when we got to the clinic. Sarah had already finished the assessment. There wasn't much bleeding and no signs of labor so they decided to monitor her overnight and reassess in the morning. We went back to the apartment after an hour or two of doing vital signs. Sarah and another midwife, Ninotte, stayed with the woman. We woke up early the next morning to go back to see if labor had started. When we arrived, Sarah told us that another woman had called to say her water broke at 3 am and that she was going to stay home for a little while and come in later. The first woman still hadn't started labor. We tried walking, acupressure, nipple stimulation, and herbal tinctures to see if we could induce labor. None of it was working. Sarah performed an internal exam to see if she could see fluid and test it to confirm that her water broke, and to assess the state of her cervix. Her cervix showed signs of infection and it wasn't obvious that her membranes had ruptured or that her cervix was ready for labor. We decided to treat her with antibiotics and keep her for 48 hours for observation.
The second woman came in early labor and we set her up in one of the birth rooms. Just as we had finished, a third woman called to say her water broke four days ago. She came in and we began IV antibiotics. She also wasn't showing signs of labor. We tried the same natural induction methods on her. They produced some mild contractions and she was 3 cm dilated and soft. Because she was getting prophylactic antibiotics and not showing any signs or symptoms of infection or fetal distress, we decided to wait to see if labor would increase naturally. Meanwhile, the other woman began to shows signs of active labor.
The woman in active labor started to have high blood pressure. Our priority was to vigilantly assess for other signs and symptoms of problems like eclampsia and to try to get her blood pressure down. We gave her valerian root to see if it could help her relax and therefore lower her blood pressure. It did lower is some, but not as much as we would have liked. We did several urine tests and frequent assessments. She did not have any other symptoms and while her pressure was higher than normal, it wasn't so high that we felt we needed to transport. She began to show some signs of transition (opening the last few centimeters), such as vomiting, a change in behavior, bloody show and the shakes. Sarah did an internal exam. She was only 4 cm but her cervix was paper thin and the baby was pressing right on it. A few hours later, she began pushing on a birth stool. At 1:23 am, a 9 lb baby boy was born. His heart rate was good, but he was having difficulty breathing and didn't have good muscle tone. We (mostly, they) worked quickly to stimulate him and give him a few breaths. He pinked up right away but was very sleepy. We put him on his mother's chest and after a few minutes he began to cry. After the placenta was delivered, another midwife and myself went to assess the baby. I had to suction him a bit more. He had a little bit of a rough start, but things resolved quickly and mother and baby are healthy and doing well.
I went back to the apartment to sleep for a few hours. The woman whose water broke a few days ago was started on pitocin. I came back to the clinic this morning and continued to do vital signs for both the laboring woman, the postpartum woman, and the newborn. Sarah showed me how to do a complete newborn assessment. It was interesting to learn the things a midwife looks for and how they determine how many gestational weeks the baby actually was. With a variety of assessments, it's possible to determine just a week's difference in gestational age. Because mother and baby were both stable, the attention turned to the laboring woman on IV antibiotics and pitocin. Her pitocin was slowly increased because she hadn't made much progress from the night before. If that didn't help progress her in a few hours, it would be necessary to transport her to the hospital. However, her labor became active and she began to respond well to the increased pitocin. She's currently six centimeters dilated and we are playing the waiting game.
~~~~~
A 7 lb baby girl was born Friday night at 10:19 pm. The mom worked beautifully at moving and using gravity to help bring her baby down. Birth seemed to come very naturally to her and she followed her intuition. I went into her room around 7 pm to take vital signs and as soon as I walked in, she asked me to give her a massage. She was having a lot of back pain and counter pressure on her sacrum seemed to really help. First, she was sitting backwards in a chair, leaning forward. Her husband was sitting in another chair next to her, as I sat behind her doing hip squeezes and back massages during her contractions. Other than a few breaks to eat and use the restroom, I stayed massaging her for the rest of the birth. She had turned the chair around and I noticed she kept scooting her bottom farther and farther off the chair until she was barely sitting on it. I suggested trying a birth stool which has the middle cut out of it and may be more comfortable since she was feeling so much pressure on her bottom. She began pushing when her body got the urge while the midwives waited quietly and followed her cue. There was no counting or telling her when and where she had to push. Sometimes she only pushed a little, sometimes very hard, but it was up to her to determine what she felt was right. It was a calm, quiet, and peaceful birth. Once the head had emerged, the rest of the baby and a lot of water came out very quickly. The baby was doing well and just needed a little stimulation to get some big, strong cries. The sister in law of the woman said, "The mom didn't cry and neither did the baby." It was true. Mom had stayed very calm throughout the birth and her daughter came out with a similar disposition.
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Day 1
My day begun at 2 am. I had to be at the airport at 4. I got there on time and there was already a line forming at the check-in counter, but there were no employees there yet. A man in front of me left (presumably to go to the bathroom) and left a small duffle in line. The woman in front of him starting getting very anxious, saying "it don't take that long to pee!" She tracked down a TSA agent to tell him there was an unattended bag. They didn't seem to care. This increased her agitation. She told three other people and was saying things like "Well we are all gonna die if it's a bomb!" She was starting to scare a little girl in the line. Someone announced that check in outside was available and she bolted out of there. The bag still sat there. A TSA agent finally approached the bag right as the man returned. He said, "Don't leave your bag." And that was the end of that incident.
I finally got to the check in desk at 5 am. A friend of mine purchased my plane ticket using miles earned with her American Express. When I had tried checking in online the day before, it told me that I needed to present the credit card to check-in. My friend called Delta and they told her it wouldn't be a problem when I came to the airport. When I tried to check-in at the airport, the agent told me I needed the card. I explained to her that my friend had already gone to her airport to have to card swiped and called twice to make sure it wouldn't be a problem. She called over her boss. He said to her "Why does it say card found? Was it reported stolen and then they found it?" I interjected and explained the situation (since the first agent hasn't said anything to him). He told her to go ahead and check me in and print my boarding passes.
I finally got to my gate and right before they began boarding they announced that the plane was actually parked at another gate. We all got up and moved. The flight was also overbooked so they were asking for volunteers to give up their seats. We started boarding, but the computer wasn't working so the agent had to tear off everyone's bar code and then scan it at another gate. Surprisingly, we took off only about 10 minutes late.
Once I got to Atlanta, I had enough time to eat and change my clothes into something more fitting for Haiti weather. I would be catching a ride with a group from Alabama that was heading to the same city as me. That's all I knew about them, but in case they were also flying through Atlanta, I started asking everyone if they were from Alabama. None of them were. I met a nurse who was going to Carrefour to work at a clinic and do home visits. We had fun observing the Christian subculture of missions teams. Who decided bright matching shirts tucked into belted khaki pants is what one is supposed to wear on a missions trip? This nurse, Benjamin, turned out to be a great help when we got to Port au Prince. He had a small issue at customs and I was able to help him out of it. Then he watched my stuff as I used the restrooms and waited with me as I asked every passerby, "Are you from Alabama?" Eventually, someone said yes. My next question was, "Are you headed to Jacmel?" When they said yes, I said, "Great! I'm getting a ride with you." They looked very confused about this random girl inviting herself into their van.
I still wasn't sure if I was on the right van, but if I at least got to Jacmel, I knew I could find someone that knew Sarah and could get me to her. The 2-3 hour drive was gorgeous. During the drive through Port au Prince, I saw how the city had changed since the last time I was there. The last time I was in Haiti was a year after the earthquake and there was still a lot of rubble and tent cities. There was less of that this time. The Presidential Palace is completely gone now. Once out of the city, we took a windy road up and over the mountain ridge. It was gorgeous. Up in the mountains it got cool enough for me to put on my sweater. It started to rain lightly and we saw a rainbow over the green hills.
We arrived at the organization the team was working with. When we got out of the van someone asked me if I was Carsen and told me Sarah was on her way to get me. I made it to the right place! She took me to where I'm staying: a small upstairs apartment about a block from the clinic and her home. She then gave me a tour of the clinic. We quickly drove down to a neighborhood soccer game to support a boy who put the game together. I had street food for dinner and we watched a movie. Falling asleep was difficult. I'm no longer acclimated to the heat, humidity, and noises of Haiti. I finally fell asleep around midnight and was up with the morning sun and roosters. I fell back asleep for a little while until the sounds of Haitian church, shouts of Hallelujah, came in through my windows.
Friday, June 7, 2013
My trip
Tomorrow very early in the morning, I'll be getting on a plane to head to one of my favorite places: Haiti. I'm going to be working with an organization called Olive Tree Projects in Jacmel. I've been to Jacmel once before and loved its laid back atmosphere. This will be my first time working with Olive Tree. My plane arrives in Port au Prince late Saturday afternoon. I will then catch a ride to the other side of the island with a team working at another organization in Jacmel. The last time I went to Jacmel, my family took a tiny plane for a scary 13 minute flight over the mountains of Haiti. The drive will be much longer, but I'm looking forward to the adventure (as long as I don't get car sick).
The main function of Olive Tree is to provide safe and loving maternal healthcare. They also work alongside Haitians to improve the community through adult education and girls' soccer. While I'm flattered by people's kind comments of how wonderful I am for doing this, I have to be honest: this trip is purely selfish. One day I want to be a Certified Nurse Midwife and possibly own a birth center/home birth practice. Because I'm an American going into midwifery from the medical model (as opposed to a direct-entry midwife who was not a nurse first), the majority of my training will be in a Western hospital setting. This trip gives me the chance to work with a Canadian midwife in a third world country. Midwives are known for having hands-on skills that may be lost in the obstetrics model due to the technicalization of birth, i.e. the standard is breech babies are born via cesarean surgery and few obstetricians have ever delivered a vaginal breech baby. Midwives, especially in an out-of-hospital setting, tend to rely on things like measuring the uterus with a measuring tape to estimate fetal growth instead of using ultrasound (which tends to be inaccurate as the pregnancy progresses.) If there is a natural disaster in the states and we lose all the technology we depend on, what do we turn to if we don't have the basic skills of assessment and palpation? I am so excited to be a part of the daily norms of this maternity clinic for that reason. It will be a different perspective and set of skills that I look forward to experiencing early in my nursing career.
Short term trips do little to improve the lives of the people they intend to touch. My goal is not to make a difference in the day to day lives of Haitians. My goal is to learn and grow and be a better person and eventual clinician. My goal is to bring needed supplies and also the little things like mascara and chocolate to the woman who carries the burden of this ministry on a daily, long-term basis. My goal is to provide company and friendship and refreshment to the people doing the difficult work and actually making the difference. The type of missions that work are the ones that build relationships and intimately know the community's needs because they are a part of it. I'm simply attempting to come alongside those people, learn from them, and hopefully be a blessing to them.
There are six babies due in the month of June. I'm praying that some babies are born during my ten day stay. Not only for my own learning, but also so that it works out that Sarah, the midwife, has an extra set of hands around. I'm also praying that my travels are smooth and safe and that I can easily meet up with the people I'm getting a ride with. I'm praying that going through customs is uneventful and that none of my items get taken. I'm praying that my bags and all their contents make it to their final destination. I'm praying for health and energy while I'm there (no malaria, please). Will you pray with me? I don't know how much internet access I will have, but I will do my best to post updates and pictures. Thank you for your support!
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| Drinking out of coconuts in Jacmel, 2006 |
The main function of Olive Tree is to provide safe and loving maternal healthcare. They also work alongside Haitians to improve the community through adult education and girls' soccer. While I'm flattered by people's kind comments of how wonderful I am for doing this, I have to be honest: this trip is purely selfish. One day I want to be a Certified Nurse Midwife and possibly own a birth center/home birth practice. Because I'm an American going into midwifery from the medical model (as opposed to a direct-entry midwife who was not a nurse first), the majority of my training will be in a Western hospital setting. This trip gives me the chance to work with a Canadian midwife in a third world country. Midwives are known for having hands-on skills that may be lost in the obstetrics model due to the technicalization of birth, i.e. the standard is breech babies are born via cesarean surgery and few obstetricians have ever delivered a vaginal breech baby. Midwives, especially in an out-of-hospital setting, tend to rely on things like measuring the uterus with a measuring tape to estimate fetal growth instead of using ultrasound (which tends to be inaccurate as the pregnancy progresses.) If there is a natural disaster in the states and we lose all the technology we depend on, what do we turn to if we don't have the basic skills of assessment and palpation? I am so excited to be a part of the daily norms of this maternity clinic for that reason. It will be a different perspective and set of skills that I look forward to experiencing early in my nursing career.
Short term trips do little to improve the lives of the people they intend to touch. My goal is not to make a difference in the day to day lives of Haitians. My goal is to learn and grow and be a better person and eventual clinician. My goal is to bring needed supplies and also the little things like mascara and chocolate to the woman who carries the burden of this ministry on a daily, long-term basis. My goal is to provide company and friendship and refreshment to the people doing the difficult work and actually making the difference. The type of missions that work are the ones that build relationships and intimately know the community's needs because they are a part of it. I'm simply attempting to come alongside those people, learn from them, and hopefully be a blessing to them.
There are six babies due in the month of June. I'm praying that some babies are born during my ten day stay. Not only for my own learning, but also so that it works out that Sarah, the midwife, has an extra set of hands around. I'm also praying that my travels are smooth and safe and that I can easily meet up with the people I'm getting a ride with. I'm praying that going through customs is uneventful and that none of my items get taken. I'm praying that my bags and all their contents make it to their final destination. I'm praying for health and energy while I'm there (no malaria, please). Will you pray with me? I don't know how much internet access I will have, but I will do my best to post updates and pictures. Thank you for your support!
 |
| Holding a half French, half Haitian cutie on the beach in Jacmel, '06 |
Monday, June 3, 2013
military dictionary
Having a family member in the military means having to learn a new language.
I've complied a short list of some commonly used acronyms or terms.
Disclaimer: These definitions are what I know of the terms and may not be absolutely correct. My husband is in the Army, so these may not apply to other branches.
ACUs- Army Combat Uniform, the basic camouflage uniform that soldiers wear on a day to day basis, and while deployed
ASUs- Army Service Uniform, also known as dress blues. The class "A" uniform is the more formal uniform. Class "B" is the less formal uniform with a white short sleeve shirt.
PC- Patrol cap, AKA the hat that goes with the ACU
MOS- Military occupation specialities. Basically, your soldier's job. His/her MOS is usually a number and a letter like 11B, which means infantry.
Basic training- (The term "boot camp" is not used in the Army.) The initial training a soldier receives. Where it takes place and its duration depends on the MOS.
AIT- Advanced individualized training. This training phase is often combined with basic training for one lump of initial training or takes place shortly after basic. It is specific training geared toward the individual's MOS.
PT- physical training. "PTs" is used to describe the uniform to be worn during PT.
FRG- Family Readiness Group. This is usually run by the Captain or the Captain's wife, if he is married. The FRG can be a great source of information about upcoming events on post, training schedules, and important dates. FRGs often host meetings and events for spouses and families. At its worst, it can be a way for people to gossip and complain. At its best, it can be a way to meet new people, get involved, and be informed about the happenings of the company.
Px/Bx- Post exchange/base exchange. This is a store on post/base. (An Army instillation is a "post." "Base" is used by the Air Force and Navy.) What they sell varies from store to store, but it's kind of like a Walmart. You can sometimes find cheaper prices here than at a civilian store.
Clothing and Sales- Another store. This one specifically sells uniform items- boots, patches, ribbons, shirts, pants, socks, etc. You can also often find gift shop items like "Proud Army Dad" shirts and bumper stickers. This might be a place visiting family members would want to check out.
Commissary- grocery store on post
DFAC- dining facility, most often used by soldiers who live in the barracks
Barracks- dormitory-style living facility for single, lower-level enlisted soldiers
Deployment- period of time in which a group of soldiers leave the country for the accomplishment of a specific mission, typically in a combat situation (or in support of one)
"Outside the wire"- when soldiers leave their combat outpost during deployment to go on patrol or some other function/mission of deployment
"In the field"- When service members are "in the field" they usually are quite literally out in a field conducting some sort of training exercise
PCS- Permanent change of station. A fancy way of saying "moving."
CQ- charge of quarters. 12-24 hour shifts to guard the front of the barracks. This includes doing random barracks checks/patrols and signing in soldiers who have to check in every hour due to disciplinary actions. Mostly, it's a lot of sitting around and a glorified "rent-a-cop" duty for the barracks.
Staff duty- Similar to CQ but at the battalion level instead of the company. Battalion secretary/rent-a-cop
BAH- Basic Allowance for Housing. An allowance given to those who live off post. The amount is based on rank, whether or not the soldier has dependents, and the cost of living of the general area.
BAS- Basic Allowance for Subsistence. Part of income for those who live off post, specifically for food. It is in place of having access to the DFAC.
LES- leave and earning statement, AKA a pay stub
Tricare- health insurance for service members and their family
DEERS- Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System. I'm not sure of the full function of the DEERS office but this is where you go to get your military ID and enroll for health insurance. It's about as efficient and pleasant as the DMV. Making an appointment online will help shorten your wait time. To get a dependent military ID, the active duty service member must be present (unless the service member is deployed and you have a power of attorney specifically stating you can act in his/her place at the DEERS office) and you have to have all required paperwork (usually a government issued picture ID like a driver's license, social security card, sponsor's active duty military ID, and a marriage license).
MyCAA- an education grant provided for military spouses. If you meet the criteria, you can receive up to $4,000 in grant money for college
One of the hardest things for me to remember was how a group of soldiers was organized. I learned it best starting from the biggest group down to a smaller, more specific group. However, if you ask a soldier what unit they are in, they will usually say it starting from the smallest to largest entity. Here's how it works from biggest to smallest:
Division > Brigade > Battalion > Company > Platoon
It breaks down ever further into sections and squads in some units. If you look at an address for a deployed soldier it will usually read like this (or something similar):
Rank Last Name, First Name
--- Co (company), ---- (a number which represents the battalion), --- BCT (brigade), --- DIV (division)
The name of the post/base
APO, AE and a zip code
Sadly, this is a very short list of the terms one must learn to understand the military world. I don't know that I'll ever be fluent in "Army" but I hope this list helps some new family members!
I've complied a short list of some commonly used acronyms or terms.
Disclaimer: These definitions are what I know of the terms and may not be absolutely correct. My husband is in the Army, so these may not apply to other branches.
ACUs- Army Combat Uniform, the basic camouflage uniform that soldiers wear on a day to day basis, and while deployed
ASUs- Army Service Uniform, also known as dress blues. The class "A" uniform is the more formal uniform. Class "B" is the less formal uniform with a white short sleeve shirt.
PC- Patrol cap, AKA the hat that goes with the ACU
MOS- Military occupation specialities. Basically, your soldier's job. His/her MOS is usually a number and a letter like 11B, which means infantry.
Basic training- (The term "boot camp" is not used in the Army.) The initial training a soldier receives. Where it takes place and its duration depends on the MOS.
AIT- Advanced individualized training. This training phase is often combined with basic training for one lump of initial training or takes place shortly after basic. It is specific training geared toward the individual's MOS.
PT- physical training. "PTs" is used to describe the uniform to be worn during PT.
FRG- Family Readiness Group. This is usually run by the Captain or the Captain's wife, if he is married. The FRG can be a great source of information about upcoming events on post, training schedules, and important dates. FRGs often host meetings and events for spouses and families. At its worst, it can be a way for people to gossip and complain. At its best, it can be a way to meet new people, get involved, and be informed about the happenings of the company.
Px/Bx- Post exchange/base exchange. This is a store on post/base. (An Army instillation is a "post." "Base" is used by the Air Force and Navy.) What they sell varies from store to store, but it's kind of like a Walmart. You can sometimes find cheaper prices here than at a civilian store.
Clothing and Sales- Another store. This one specifically sells uniform items- boots, patches, ribbons, shirts, pants, socks, etc. You can also often find gift shop items like "Proud Army Dad" shirts and bumper stickers. This might be a place visiting family members would want to check out.
Commissary- grocery store on post
DFAC- dining facility, most often used by soldiers who live in the barracks
Barracks- dormitory-style living facility for single, lower-level enlisted soldiers
Deployment- period of time in which a group of soldiers leave the country for the accomplishment of a specific mission, typically in a combat situation (or in support of one)
"Outside the wire"- when soldiers leave their combat outpost during deployment to go on patrol or some other function/mission of deployment
"In the field"- When service members are "in the field" they usually are quite literally out in a field conducting some sort of training exercise
PCS- Permanent change of station. A fancy way of saying "moving."
CQ- charge of quarters. 12-24 hour shifts to guard the front of the barracks. This includes doing random barracks checks/patrols and signing in soldiers who have to check in every hour due to disciplinary actions. Mostly, it's a lot of sitting around and a glorified "rent-a-cop" duty for the barracks.
Staff duty- Similar to CQ but at the battalion level instead of the company. Battalion secretary/rent-a-cop
BAH- Basic Allowance for Housing. An allowance given to those who live off post. The amount is based on rank, whether or not the soldier has dependents, and the cost of living of the general area.
BAS- Basic Allowance for Subsistence. Part of income for those who live off post, specifically for food. It is in place of having access to the DFAC.
LES- leave and earning statement, AKA a pay stub
Tricare- health insurance for service members and their family
DEERS- Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System. I'm not sure of the full function of the DEERS office but this is where you go to get your military ID and enroll for health insurance. It's about as efficient and pleasant as the DMV. Making an appointment online will help shorten your wait time. To get a dependent military ID, the active duty service member must be present (unless the service member is deployed and you have a power of attorney specifically stating you can act in his/her place at the DEERS office) and you have to have all required paperwork (usually a government issued picture ID like a driver's license, social security card, sponsor's active duty military ID, and a marriage license).
MyCAA- an education grant provided for military spouses. If you meet the criteria, you can receive up to $4,000 in grant money for college
One of the hardest things for me to remember was how a group of soldiers was organized. I learned it best starting from the biggest group down to a smaller, more specific group. However, if you ask a soldier what unit they are in, they will usually say it starting from the smallest to largest entity. Here's how it works from biggest to smallest:
Division > Brigade > Battalion > Company > Platoon
It breaks down ever further into sections and squads in some units. If you look at an address for a deployed soldier it will usually read like this (or something similar):
Rank Last Name, First Name
--- Co (company), ---- (a number which represents the battalion), --- BCT (brigade), --- DIV (division)
The name of the post/base
APO, AE and a zip code
Sadly, this is a very short list of the terms one must learn to understand the military world. I don't know that I'll ever be fluent in "Army" but I hope this list helps some new family members!
Friday, May 24, 2013
last minute
It's 8:40 pm and my phone rings. It's my husband. I haven't seen him in six days. I'm laying on the couch in my pajamas, hair up in a messy bun, with the day's make up smeared under my eyes. He says he's on his way home. They released him last minute. "Yay! So you have tomorrow off?" "No, I have to be back at 0800." Awesome. Less than 12 hours off after working six days straight. Sigh. I'm thankful that he's on his way home and decide to make a night of it. I quickly brush my hair and change my clothes. I'm sitting on the edge of the tub, one hand shaving a leg, the other brushing my teeth.
We have this routine down to a science. I tell him I don't care that he hasn't showered in six days, I still want a hug and a kiss. He empties his ruck and I get laundry going while he showers. I ask him from the shower if he wants a beer or a margarita. Margaritas it is and the blender is going by the time he's out of the shower. I ask him if he wants to stay in, get take out, or go somewhere to eat. It's already past 9 pm, but we have to make the best of the time we have. He packs up his ruck with new socks, boxers, and undershirts and moves his uniforms to the dryer while I finish getting ready. It is boring day to day stuff but we are a team and know how to run the system efficiently. It's morning and he's gone again before I know it.
Everything is last minute with the military. There is no planning ahead.
"Will you be able to visit for Christmas?" "I don't know." "When will you know?" "Probably not until November or December."
"Can we let you know the day of if we are coming or not?" "Can you let us know by Friday? Having a baby makes it hard to plan last minute." "I understand. I will let you know as soon as possible."
"Let's go on a double date!" "Well, I can come, but I don't know if John will be home or not."
"Hey! It's good to see you! Where's your husband?" "He's in the field."
This is the military life. I often go to functions solo. My answer often is that I for sure will be there and maybe John will. John tells me to plan on going to things despite his schedule because he doesn't want me to miss out on things. Most of the time I do. However, sometimes I'm also the girl who stays home at the off chance that he'll come home because I don't want to miss the few precious hours he will get.
Thankfully, it's not like this all the time. Gunnery, a big training exercise, is going on all month so it's more crazy right now than it usually is. However, the military offers a lot of opportunities for spouses to be very independent. It often means not seeing your spouse for days, weeks, months, or even more than a year at a time. It means packing up the entire house alone and living apart for awhile. It sometimes means having a baby without the father present. When John got back from deployment, someone at church asked if he was my boyfriend. Being a military spouse sometimes means that people think you're single.
It also means that sometimes you look like an unreliable flake because you can't commit to plans. Naturally, I'm a planner. I plan dinners for the week and have things on the calendar months in advance. I like details and don't appreciate big surprises. I want to be prepared. I've had to learn to be more flexible. I've had to learn that I can't just freak out and say, "but I'm not ready!" Now I just say that I'm happy and run frantically to the bathroom to shave my legs and brush my teeth at the same time like a champ.
We have this routine down to a science. I tell him I don't care that he hasn't showered in six days, I still want a hug and a kiss. He empties his ruck and I get laundry going while he showers. I ask him from the shower if he wants a beer or a margarita. Margaritas it is and the blender is going by the time he's out of the shower. I ask him if he wants to stay in, get take out, or go somewhere to eat. It's already past 9 pm, but we have to make the best of the time we have. He packs up his ruck with new socks, boxers, and undershirts and moves his uniforms to the dryer while I finish getting ready. It is boring day to day stuff but we are a team and know how to run the system efficiently. It's morning and he's gone again before I know it.
Everything is last minute with the military. There is no planning ahead.
"Will you be able to visit for Christmas?" "I don't know." "When will you know?" "Probably not until November or December."
"Can we let you know the day of if we are coming or not?" "Can you let us know by Friday? Having a baby makes it hard to plan last minute." "I understand. I will let you know as soon as possible."
"Let's go on a double date!" "Well, I can come, but I don't know if John will be home or not."
"Hey! It's good to see you! Where's your husband?" "He's in the field."
This is the military life. I often go to functions solo. My answer often is that I for sure will be there and maybe John will. John tells me to plan on going to things despite his schedule because he doesn't want me to miss out on things. Most of the time I do. However, sometimes I'm also the girl who stays home at the off chance that he'll come home because I don't want to miss the few precious hours he will get.
Thankfully, it's not like this all the time. Gunnery, a big training exercise, is going on all month so it's more crazy right now than it usually is. However, the military offers a lot of opportunities for spouses to be very independent. It often means not seeing your spouse for days, weeks, months, or even more than a year at a time. It means packing up the entire house alone and living apart for awhile. It sometimes means having a baby without the father present. When John got back from deployment, someone at church asked if he was my boyfriend. Being a military spouse sometimes means that people think you're single.
It also means that sometimes you look like an unreliable flake because you can't commit to plans. Naturally, I'm a planner. I plan dinners for the week and have things on the calendar months in advance. I like details and don't appreciate big surprises. I want to be prepared. I've had to learn to be more flexible. I've had to learn that I can't just freak out and say, "but I'm not ready!" Now I just say that I'm happy and run frantically to the bathroom to shave my legs and brush my teeth at the same time like a champ.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
pregnancy courtesy 101
Because I'm a woman in my mid-twenties and have worked as a doula, I've had lots of pregnant women vent to me about things that were frustrating during pregnancy. A lot of the complaints have to do with family and friends. Most of these lovely ladies would prefer to not saying anything directly because they fear hurting a loved ones' feelings isn't worth laying down some ground rules. Since I currently know approximately 76.3 pregnant women, I thought I'd compile a list of some common complaints and general rules my pregnant friends might like you to follow.
1. So you just found out your friend/daughter/sister is pregnant? That's so exciting! However, unless she explicitly says she wants you to tell someone, keep it to yourself. She loves you and is excited to share the news with you, but don't ruin that trust by blabbing the news. Perhaps she hasn't gotten ahold of a family member just yet and doesn't want them to find out through the grapevine. Maybe they've had a history of miscarriage and don't want the news public until the second trimester. You are excited and that's great, but it's their news to tell, not yours.
2. Stay off social media. Boy, do we live in a world of over-sharing! I'm just as guilty. Social media is a great way to keep in touch with relatives from afar, but we often forget to honor each other's privacy. If you are privy to information such as the gender of the baby, possible name choices, that the mom is in labor, the baby has been born, or you were there and have pictures, again please keep all of this to yourself unless she asks you to post the information on Facebook. Some moms appreciate having one person head up the spreading of the news so she doesn't have to, but many do not want it plastered all over the internet. Yes, this point is almost the same as number 1, but I feel that it is important to make it it's own point. We post pictures of our dinner and other trivial things- sometimes we forget what should go online and what shouldn't.
3. So your friend has decided to have an elective cesarean section/induction/no pain medication/home birth/whatever and you think that's a horrible idea. Maybe even a foolish or dangerous one. Guess what? It's none of your business. Trust that your friend/daughter/niece/sister is a wise and informed woman. Trust that her choice was based on research and guidance from a professional. If that's not the case, and you have a close and personal relationship with her and are concerned about her choices, politely ask questions. Maybe you don't know the whole story. Maybe she knows more about what is right for her and her family than you do. For some reason, pregnancy seems to be a time when everyone thinks they have a right to influence decisions or offer advice when they don't. Support and respect your loved one; she needs that more than your advice.
4. Ask her about things other than her pregnancy. She is more than an incubator. Ask her about politics and what she's been reading. Ask about her marriage and work. Just because it's growing to the size of a watermelon, doesn't mean that she is only a uterus. There's a good chance she wants to vent about heartburn and constipation, but maybe she also wants to tell you about her dreams and plans for the future.
5. Leave the cute outfits and accessories to the grandparents. Be the boring friend that buys diapers, wipes, soap, and organizer bins for her baby shower. Get her a cloth diaper cleaning service and throw in some hemorrhoid cream. She'll love you forever.
6. Once the baby the is born, make yourself useful. Don't show up without food. Pick up a broom. Do some laundry. Don't stay long and expect to be entertained. She just pushed out a tiny human that poops, cries, and eats every few hours. It's not about you.
7. If she chooses to breastfeed, don't be offended if she asks you to leave when she needs to feed the baby. The first couple of weeks can be tricky and trying to add in modesty makes it more difficult. Feeding her baby comes first and if she can't be comfortable about whipping out her boob in front of you, you gotsta go. And no she can't just give the baby formula this one time so you get to feed the baby. She didn't choose to breastfeed to make you feel left out.
8. If you're sick, stay away. It's kind of ridiculous that I even have to say it, but it seems that people need to hear it. You seeing the little one who will probably just lay there and sleep isn't worth potentially infecting the vulnerable baby for your few minutes of pleasure. Don't be that guy. It can wait until you are healthy.
9. Keep your horror stories to yourself. Her mind is already flooded with fears of arms growing out of foreheads and perineums ripping in half. If it's not helpful, assume it's hurtful. There is plenty of drama and scary birth scenes in our media; she doesn't need your input about how awful birth/breastfeeding/parenting might be. Encourage her instead. Remind her that she is strong and capable. She's probably totally freaking out right now; don't add to it.
10. Babies are not milk; they don't expire on a certain day. Due dates are simply educated guesses based on a lot of different averages. Sometimes babies are healthily and naturally born at 38 weeks, sometimes 42 weeks. If mom, baby, uterus, and placenta are all healthy.... everything is healthy! Please don't text her everyday asking if she's had the baby yet. Sometimes babies come too early or need some help coming out, but most of the time they come when they are good and ready. Everything will be okay... deep breath...
So what say you? Anything else you'd like to add to the list? Have I spoken well for you pregnant ladies? Can we all agree to follow theses rules?
1. So you just found out your friend/daughter/sister is pregnant? That's so exciting! However, unless she explicitly says she wants you to tell someone, keep it to yourself. She loves you and is excited to share the news with you, but don't ruin that trust by blabbing the news. Perhaps she hasn't gotten ahold of a family member just yet and doesn't want them to find out through the grapevine. Maybe they've had a history of miscarriage and don't want the news public until the second trimester. You are excited and that's great, but it's their news to tell, not yours.
2. Stay off social media. Boy, do we live in a world of over-sharing! I'm just as guilty. Social media is a great way to keep in touch with relatives from afar, but we often forget to honor each other's privacy. If you are privy to information such as the gender of the baby, possible name choices, that the mom is in labor, the baby has been born, or you were there and have pictures, again please keep all of this to yourself unless she asks you to post the information on Facebook. Some moms appreciate having one person head up the spreading of the news so she doesn't have to, but many do not want it plastered all over the internet. Yes, this point is almost the same as number 1, but I feel that it is important to make it it's own point. We post pictures of our dinner and other trivial things- sometimes we forget what should go online and what shouldn't.
3. So your friend has decided to have an elective cesarean section/induction/no pain medication/home birth/whatever and you think that's a horrible idea. Maybe even a foolish or dangerous one. Guess what? It's none of your business. Trust that your friend/daughter/niece/sister is a wise and informed woman. Trust that her choice was based on research and guidance from a professional. If that's not the case, and you have a close and personal relationship with her and are concerned about her choices, politely ask questions. Maybe you don't know the whole story. Maybe she knows more about what is right for her and her family than you do. For some reason, pregnancy seems to be a time when everyone thinks they have a right to influence decisions or offer advice when they don't. Support and respect your loved one; she needs that more than your advice.
4. Ask her about things other than her pregnancy. She is more than an incubator. Ask her about politics and what she's been reading. Ask about her marriage and work. Just because it's growing to the size of a watermelon, doesn't mean that she is only a uterus. There's a good chance she wants to vent about heartburn and constipation, but maybe she also wants to tell you about her dreams and plans for the future.
5. Leave the cute outfits and accessories to the grandparents. Be the boring friend that buys diapers, wipes, soap, and organizer bins for her baby shower. Get her a cloth diaper cleaning service and throw in some hemorrhoid cream. She'll love you forever.
6. Once the baby the is born, make yourself useful. Don't show up without food. Pick up a broom. Do some laundry. Don't stay long and expect to be entertained. She just pushed out a tiny human that poops, cries, and eats every few hours. It's not about you.
7. If she chooses to breastfeed, don't be offended if she asks you to leave when she needs to feed the baby. The first couple of weeks can be tricky and trying to add in modesty makes it more difficult. Feeding her baby comes first and if she can't be comfortable about whipping out her boob in front of you, you gotsta go. And no she can't just give the baby formula this one time so you get to feed the baby. She didn't choose to breastfeed to make you feel left out.
8. If you're sick, stay away. It's kind of ridiculous that I even have to say it, but it seems that people need to hear it. You seeing the little one who will probably just lay there and sleep isn't worth potentially infecting the vulnerable baby for your few minutes of pleasure. Don't be that guy. It can wait until you are healthy.
9. Keep your horror stories to yourself. Her mind is already flooded with fears of arms growing out of foreheads and perineums ripping in half. If it's not helpful, assume it's hurtful. There is plenty of drama and scary birth scenes in our media; she doesn't need your input about how awful birth/breastfeeding/parenting might be. Encourage her instead. Remind her that she is strong and capable. She's probably totally freaking out right now; don't add to it.
10. Babies are not milk; they don't expire on a certain day. Due dates are simply educated guesses based on a lot of different averages. Sometimes babies are healthily and naturally born at 38 weeks, sometimes 42 weeks. If mom, baby, uterus, and placenta are all healthy.... everything is healthy! Please don't text her everyday asking if she's had the baby yet. Sometimes babies come too early or need some help coming out, but most of the time they come when they are good and ready. Everything will be okay... deep breath...
So what say you? Anything else you'd like to add to the list? Have I spoken well for you pregnant ladies? Can we all agree to follow theses rules?
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