understood

I read a book a couple of years ago called Sex, Lies, and Handwriting. The author, Michelle Dresbold, has worked with the U.S. Secret Service and various law enforcement agencies doing handwriting profiles. The theory behind handwriting analysis is that the brain controls handwriting, not the hand. Therefore, it is a picture into how the brain works. Experts claim that it isn't possible to completely alter one's handwriting because the wiring of the brain has more control over how the letters are formed than the physical mechanics of writing. In one chapter of the book, Dresbold focuses on the implications of a person's signature. She walks the reader through profiles of famous people simply based off their signatures. She explains that such a simple, commonplace task of signing one's name provides a huge insight into that person's personality.

My signature is clearly written out; it's basically "printing" my name but in cursive. There are no scribbles, large loops, symbols, or illegible letters. It's not overly neat or straight, but the letters are obvious. According to Dresbold, this means that one of the most important things to me is to be understood. It means I don't mind taking the time to write out each letter because I value clarity and don't want to leave any room for misinterpretation. Her claim would be that I prefer to be blunt rather than delicate because I want my message to be clear. Her assessment would be that I value clear communication and hate being misunderstood.

I would have to agree with that assessment. In fact, I didn't realize how important it was for me to be understood until I read that profile. While I have not thought about that book for sometime, there are many instances in life in which I am reminded of how much I value those things. I often find myself prefacing statements with disclaimers or qualifiers because I don't want people to misunderstand any statement I make. For example, I think the way we approach pregnancy and childbirth in the US is often all wrong. I believe we over medicalize childbirth and I often try to raise questions to make people think critically about the situation. However, childbirth is an intensely personal matter and people often get defensive about the choices they made. Health care professionals get irritated because they feel like I may be questioning their intentions or judgement. This makes it very difficult for me to talk about such things because I absolutely hate being misunderstood. I never mean to back someone into a corner or to make them feel like they need to defend themselves or that I'm judging them. All I mean to do is ask, "Is there a better way? Are we getting it wrong? How can we improve?"

My need for being clear and to be clearly understood has made it difficult for me to write on the blog lately. If someone misunderstands me, especially in a way that causes them to be angry or upset, I tend to shut down. If someone correctly understands what I say and gets upset or angry, that doesn't bother me. But if someone misunderstands me and it causes an adverse reaction, I lose courage to speak. There are things that I will absolutely not write about on here because they are way too personal. However, much of what I do write still requires me to be somewhat vulnerable. As I dip my toes a little more into the cold waters of transparency, I tend to pull back and retreat. I spoke with a friend about possibly shutting down the blog and she reminded me that this was an important outlet for me. She encouraged me to engage in the process even if I may be misunderstood. She told me that we can never control how anyone will interpret what we say, but that we have to speak anyway.

With that said, this is my journey, a telling of my personal experiences. My intention is never to devalue another individual's experience. I often share lessons that I've learned - after the fact. The process of learning those lessons is rarely pretty nor is it able to fit into a neat little blog post at the time. It is important for me to look back on life experiences, especially the ones that weren't all sunshine and lolly pops, and find the positive or the lesson. This is my avenue for doing that. I love hearing other people's life lessons, so that I may glean wisdom from them. The process of writing out my own life lessons is therapeutic for me and I often come away with more knowledge than I had when I started writing about it. I simply share these experiences with you for my own external processing, and in hopes that maybe you can benefit in some way from what I've learned. Thank you for allowing me to work through some nitty-gritty areas like marriage, deployment, and faith. Writing a blog in itself has been a lesson on vulnerability and courage, and one that hasn't been easy for me.